Just because we have to pray

thursday, july 8

pine ridge reservation, south dakota

i am at sundance
it is intense here
i weep for the human play
the suffering and joy
my brothers pull skulls and hang from trees
they are my brothers, fathers, lovers, teachers, friends

yesterday an older dancer pulled skulls and they didn't break for a long time.
walking behind i just prayed and prayed.
the simple and humble smile after he broke free brought tears to my eyes.
this is not bravado, it is love.

it is reminding me of humility and simplicity
it reminds me of why i walk my path
why i carry my medicine
i come from a lot of pain
i come from love and joy and ecstasy
if i am going to stand to teach tantra
i have to carve out myself
to look closely
to make sacrifices
i've been called a whore, but really i'm a nun for god

i am burning on both ends, the spirit world and the world life,
if i don't melt my physical container
i hope to carry and share this energy at the tantra rituals when i go home

i was told by spirit in sweat lodge to make my next few tantra rituals by donation,
to put myself on the edge of my security fears
to remember i teach tantra for myself and for sharing,
not for the money and to trust in god paying my bills.
this way, it is my gift to spreading the love of the Mother to as many as are interested, regardless of finances. when i look around, i see that churches aren't going out of business, and they work on donation.

this sundance is way out there, no photos, really authentic.
no one is putting on this ceremony for money.
it reminded me how important it is to do things just for love.
just because we have to pray.