furnace of joy (the path)

i see myself like a clay pot being fired in the furnace of life
of my own desires
of all that which i cannot change
and must accept and submit to (some call this surrender)
i call this my spiritual path
i call this fire the furnace of joy

when the path has asked so much of me,
which is to say my inner volcanoes began rumbling and erupting
and would be silenced no more
and when my inner became exposed to the outer
and when i am called out to the places i have hidden
and when they are shown in the light
in a burlesque revue
for myself and those i love
i call this burning
the furnace of joy

when i left my husband for a lover
and ran off to india to become enlightened
and ended up sitting on a toilet with dysentery
instead
when he called me a saint and a whore
when he said he couldn't speak to me anymore
i said
someday we will be sitting next to each other again
holding hands
our faces burned with joy

because i married him afraid of not being able to take care of myself
and when my power began rising
i didn't want to stay
i wanted to be free to explore
my old clothes didn't fit anymore
like new wine in old wineskins
and still my path beguiles me
calls me to go just a little further
to test the boundaries
yes i am capable of love
in the furnace of joy

yea though i walk through the valley of death
of the fear of my own and the collective shadow
i shall fear no evil
for thou art with me
i cry out to thee
i search for your face as others search for the sun rising in the morning
great is thy faithfulness

when i pray
who am i praying to?
to whom am i expressing my deepest hopes and fears?
is god in heaven?
is the devil under the earth?
when i pray, i pour myself into myself
i pour my hope into my fear
in the furnace of joy