"What is the role of a woman in tantra?"

TANTRA FAQ: "What is the role of a woman in Tantric meditation?"
I thought I would share a very good question that was emailed to me this morning:

Q:
in one of your talks, you mentioned "playing roles". 
within the context of a tantra partner meditation, is there a role that a woman plays?
or is it a crapshoot of experiences?  or both?

or when a woman softens to the energy of her partner, 
is her experience that of his energy and how that energy flows and what it needs?  
the sit then becomes a cutting through all the external structures to
a deeper understanding of how your energy interacts 
with the energy in front of you.
I woke up today wondering ;)

A:

well...the masculine and feminine dynamics are fluid in both males and females
some sits with a man i find they move more towards the shakti feminine energy expression and i sit in the grounding shiva masculine position
think of the male/female sacred energy dynamic like the positive/ negative ends of a battery
and then think of that range as being fluid, no one is entirely feminine or masculine energy

the "role" of a woman in the sit, i think is to be in self-enquiry of the experience happening inside herself and awareness of the play and exchange of energy with her partner

when i have sat with a very solid "base" male partner, i find that the serpentine energy really begins to flow and move because it is grounded in safety, and i really enjoy this feeling of flow in my body and appreciate being based to have that experience

there is a lot to look at here, when we think of the "role" of a woman both in tantra sitting partner meditation and in how we live in the world...
in relationships, i think that the feminine needs to be able to surrender to the masculine, but that it is difficult as a woman to surrender to men who are not stable or safe
of course we are all evolving, so there is no "perfect partner" who makes us feel perfectly safe
but as i travel the world and see so many communities where the women have become the bread winners and the mothers, and there is a wounding in the masculine causing alcoholism and abuse, i see a deep pain in the soul of the world
a deep pain in the sacred masculine soul and the sacred feminine soul
i hope we are finding ways to mend this deep soul pain mirrored in the masculine and feminine

the "role" of a woman in these tantra practices is not the old idea of woman= passivity
i have been told before that i can be masculine, because i can be very directed and dominant
but look at the tantric goddesses, they are very powerful, so i think there is a place for a very powerful woman to meet with a very powerful man
and both give and take the dominant position in a natural flow
this dynamic calls both partners to be in their power, to face their weak places and to be humbled and grow
but what do i know?

will i be a saint?

4:30am in india.
already i am sweating.
i have not slept in 28 hours.
i have not showered in 2 days.

chennai is a city that reminds me of a stately older woman, big trees line the streets. i feel like a barefoot bride under a leafy canopy walking towards my wedding procession with myself. the horns of the rickshaws are my band. i am a bride drunk on tiredness, travel, time zones, drunk on the secret knowledge of myself. some call this yoga, meditation, prayer, ceremony. it is fun to drink from the spring of myself.
"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you."
-F Scott Fitzgerald

4:30am in chennai and i woke up and laid in bed, i felt my teacher awake in the house i am staying at. i went downstairs to sit with him. we are both typing on our laptops...ah, modern salvation. i wonder if they used to do this writing on betel leaves?

what makes a saint?
someone who sits in white and asks for nothing for themselves? who has been mysteriously neutered of their yoni or lingam, their sex drive, their genitalia? are saints allowed to have genitalia? or is that an obscene thought? i must not be a saint.

is a saint someone who burns for truth? if that is enough, wouldn't allen ginsberg and all the filthy beats be saints?

"angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly
connection to the starry dynamo in the machin-ery of night
...
who bared their brains to heaven under the El and saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tenement roofs illuminated
...
who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burning their money in wastebaskets and listening to the Terror through the wall" -ginsberg, howl

the beats too travelled to India, decades before me. poet-sufferers who dropped the condensed pearls of their ecstatic/painful search for god out their mouths and fingers in profane and gorgeous howling poetry? does the artist wear the mask of ecstatic torment to bleed our dreams for us? it is easy to suckle on their words and make saints or fools out of them.


if i feed hungry children will i be a saint?

if i remain monogomous and make love to one man will i be a saint?

if i sit cross legged wrapped in orange cotton, ass spread on the sidewalk lost in trance, will i be a saint?

if i sacrifice everything i have for what i love will i be a saint?

or will i only be a saint if you feel peace when you are beside me...or if you feel your heart set to burning when you sit beside me...

Sri Sarada Devi
"when i die, bury me standing up because i have spent my whole life on my knees" -gypsy saying

isn't it enough to be a woman, to have born a child, to have walked on my knees begging for grace, mercy, redemption...i am a redemption junkie. my life a pilgrimage of laughter and tears on my knees...following the path of my heart, that trickster song. embracing the profanity of loving my son, many men, a few women...trying to love my parents in a way that doesn't make me mad...trying to accept that the world is full of suffering, yes as the buddhist say, but it is equally true it is full of pleasure as the tantrics say...trying to accept that sorrow is the left hand joy, and that both hands open the heart.

i will grow old and lose beauty
i will grow old and die
in this lifetime i will bear the loss of those i love, through inevitable death, through trials and growth and the endless hand of time wiping the sands of space free again and again. inevitably. mercilessly.
i have a vision for you. i have a prophesy for you.
you too will die, you too will grow old (probably) and you too will feel the longing of love. so make the most of this one uncertain life. try to stay awake. the hindus say that the world is the dream of blue god vishnu, who is floating down the river of time reclining on a chaise lounge being fed grapes by his woman. the universe is the lotus blossoming from his navel. god is dreaming this world. so try to stay awake for the sacred profanity of the mystery.