adventures of a fearless (mostly) globe trotting seeker...
wondering, wandering, barefoot, nomadess

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

a rant about writing:

a rant:

"I feel there is something unexplored about women that only a woman can explore." -georgia o'keeffe

as i write, it is interesting the feedback i get. because of the sexual nature of my writing, i get a lot of men writing very juvenile comments. i also get marginalized by the mainstream of spirituality. as if i can be put in a box as "sexual".

my friends, are we not all sexual creatures? have we not come from sex? is the fabric of our existence not made of sex?

but we put it in a box. most religions and philosophies speak of all kinds of imaginary cosmologies, but the thing hanging between your legs is barely touched on. it goes in a box in storage. in a closet. and festers. if i am airing out that closet, i am experimenting with saying the unsaid. speaking about the most personal and universal experience we all have with out own sensuality and sexuality. but which we make every effort to hide from the rest of humanity. and when sex is spoken of, it is in the most garish way, which shows the explosive nature of repressed energy. if we looked at it more often, there might be more subtlety in our understanding, experience and communication.

i do not expect everyone to understand what i am doing, because even i do not always understand what i am doing...everything swirls around me...and then sets itself into place perfectly...chaos as part of the creative is being done through me...this whole thing, this whole LIFE thing is birthing itself through me and is a mystery to me...

sometimes i feel judged...but that is mine to carry and make sense of. still i feel driven to create, or to allow what is pushing through me to be birthed.

people say i am fearless but it is because i am afraid of everything that i have put myself against the blade of my fears to experience more, i do not let the fears keep me from tasting my desires. i am terribly sensitive in my moments alone. but i do not let the sensitivity keep me from speaking my truth. this is not a statement of valor, it is simply how i observe myself to be built.

to the men with the sexual comments:
why are there so many idiots in this world? seriously, if the fb chat comments i get from men are any indication of the state of collective human consciousness...i am disappointed in our evolution. it would be nice if there could be more subtlety in the PLAY.

tame your penis for goddess sake! can i speak of the universal experience of sexuality, of being spirit animals without a bunch of high school come ons? i mean, seriously...i am exploring saying what is usually unsaid...but which is the common fabric of our consciousness...

to the spiritual community:
i am also disappointed with the spiritual communities lack of a sense of humor. everything is taken so seriously. can i have a fucking emotion without having a bunch of yogis clucking under their breath that they are praying for my peace? it is so condescending.

what about art and exploring differentiation instead of trying to be a bunch of sheep repeating OM OM OM... it is tiresome...where is the tolerance for individual expression and differing points of view? difference makes the world VIBRANT

there is an expression going around, "life is a comedy, not a drama"...really? i thought it was made of both? must i always put on a smiling bliss face for you? can you cherish your suffering as well as your joy?

i had my cup of coffee. please enjoy my mornings verbal droppings. that is all.



  1. Right on Psalm!

    In the book "The Sorcerer's Crossing" she says that men leave ... like energy worms in a woman's belly. And this is how men stay psychically attached to & therefore maintain some semblance of control over whatever woman they've sexed. Allegedly these "things" stay in a woman for 7 years. So, for all that time the man has some control over the woman. Sex is really about control & usually it's about the man dominating - just imo. So the stupid jokes and juvenile comments are simply another attempt by men to exert control over sexuality. & even though you say that you are fearful, you do appear fearless. & I don't care how "evolved" a male thinks he is, he is scared shitless by a strong woman.

    Plus, people think that tantra is sex & nothing but sex. (I don't know what the fuck tantra is really but it's more than just having sex - right? It's like about being in the duality of shit & realizing & respecting those "lower" energies and opening to the creative force of the feminine? Am i right? I mean, is sex a part of it or the all of it?) I mean if you google it, that's what you get - a whole bunch of sites about sexy yoga. not that there is anything wrong with that but most males just can't deal with that. & please - I am not male bashing. it just is what it is man

    & the "spiritual" people? Whatever. They make it awfully hard for the realists. Pretty girls in lycra "grooving on their heart chakras" really fucking piss me off. Everyone wants to skim over the root sacral and solar plexis. then hang in the heart for awhile. then jump right over the throat and live their heads. Your workshop at Acenda was the 1st time i've been in a yoga studio in years. & i'm a friggin' yoga teacher. Whatever.

    But please don't stop posting on fb. Your posts are a bright spot of darkness (or dark spot on brightness) on my otherwise dreary and humdrum home page. Don't always understand what you're talking about, but one day, maybe i will.


  2. dear jen...

    love this!
    "a dark spot on brightness"

    i think you understand tantra very well!
    yes pretty girls in lycra grooving on their heart chakras, it's nice, why not?

    but what to do with deep blockages to your heart chakra, yes sometimes that's when we have to journey to the underworld, both personally and our personal experience reflects the whole collective experience.

    for example, when i had the strength from the years of grooving on my heart chakra to go into my own wounding around sexual was my own stuff i wrestled with as well as wrestling with that kind of abuse in the world. which brought up the deepest existential questions...
    how can suffering exist in the world?
    why is it so prevalent?
    if there is a god, how can this be allowed?

    these are not easy questions to wrestle with, they bring us to the brink of the void, the great mystery that untimately each of us must make peace with.

    what i love about tantra is there is no dogma to clothe yourself in as you face that void. stripped of ego and idealogies, there is just the naked moment and somehow, an acceptance of what is.

    i accept and i try to change as well. i try to transform the negativities in myself and the world. sometimes i wonder if those negativities are a necessary part of duality. i also accept it is my nature to try to create change and the kind of world i want to live in.

    about the men leaving worms in your belly though...

    i think that we are pure vessels and the belief that we have been tainted is just one more way to feel shame. our bodies are sacred, they cannot be defiled. we are the living goddess.

    much love sister and i hope to see you again soon. if you are in detroit, maybe you can come to the nyc tantra intensive weekend june 18 & 19
    you can teach us


  3. Psalm and Jen,

    Not surprising to either of you, our sexuality is oh-so-scary to people. Psalm takes it out of the closet and gives it a good shaking, pointing out the wrinkles, creases, stains, moth holes, etc. And most people simply do not want to see those things, be they sexually immature (e.g., the men on FB to which Psalm referred) or spiritually oriented folks.

    If I have not examined (and re-examined and re-re-examined) my relationship to sexuality, then someone (like Psalm) who deeply shares her passage and self-discovery threatens my hold on reality, my self-identification. When that happens, I feel threatened and, instead of staying home in my experience, place the cause of my discomfort on you, Psalm.

    Huge kudos to you, sweet Psalm, for your courage. My wife and I looooooove your writings, your poetry, your deep perspective, huge heart and expansive wisdom.

    I suspect that the more who attack you the closer to your truth you are getting, eh?

  4. Psalm your authenticity is raw, potent, eloquent, refreshing, and much needed! Shake us up and shaktify us back to our own naked truth!
    Jai jai